the price you pay

Two weeks ago I was fuming when presented with news unpleasant to the ear. Once out of the orthodontist’s office I rang MBF and G to gripe about what I have no control over. The progress of my teeth.

You see, I have always wanted straight teeth. It was never somewhere at the pinnacle of my wish list, as I somehow have a fair amount of common sense to realise that straight teeth is neither going to land me Brad Pitt and metamorphose me into Angelina Jolie nor her proportions.

Neither will it grant me articulacy and automatic anti-nervousness release when being hounded and orally abused by certain someones of a certain bracket on their (and soon to be my) bad day.

Nor will it give me the ability to remember all the facts I’ve read. I only seem to be able to remember bits and pieces of interesting but relatively useless information.

Or bestow upon me superb culinary skills and the aptitude to throw dinner parties at the height of gorgeousness coupled with social competence rivaling some PR individuals.

Or give me the secrets to use more percentage of my brain à la Einstein.

You get the idea.

Moving on.

I am not too sure whether it is the Virgo element taking charge but I’ve always wanted perfect straight teeth. It wasn’t as if I had fangs sticking out capable of scaring little kids despite it not being Halloween. My teeth were, well, they were uneven.

“Get braces done” was sitting in my wish list for a long time, only to move and sit at the bottom of my to do list for an equally long time.

Finally, the self-indulgent what-do-i-bomb-my-money-on debate was to either add a delicious chocolate brown monogram-embossed full leather handbag with horsebit on its strap to my possession or succumb to the self-inflicted vanity. Despite being a bag hag, I chose the latter. (I still think about that bag sometimes..)

During my first consultation with the orthodontist, she said my jaw is too small to contain all my teeth in a perfect straight line. Though she made me feel as if I’m a deformed creature with giant teeth all the way up to my brain, she added that this is normal. The process would involve me extracting 4 teeth – 2 from upper and 2 from my lower, to make space for those straight pearly whites. The duration was quoted at 6 months more compared to “normal” scenarios, due to my ‘interest’ in such suitable, young, tender, pliable era of my life. Of course, she was prudent enough to include a disclaimer for fear of being sued by yours truly – that the length of procedure varies based on personal characteristics of each patient. And in my case, inflating the treatment time would be the more logical option.

Post-deliberations, I decided to give it a go and fixed an appointment to carry out the X-ray, mold and impression. After which came the extraction. I thought of extracting all 4 at once because, hey, kids do this. I am not in that age group, I can take it. I was strongly advised against it.

She was right.

The first 2 was manageable (pain was expected) but chewing food thereafter was not an option. Still determined to get it done fast, I came back a few days later to extract the other 2 on the left side. The molar in my lower teeth refused to budge. Despite the local anaesthetic, I felt intense pain but held on because the objective that day was to complete the needed removal of all 4 teeth. After 30 minutes which felt like a lifetime and heaps of references to my X-ray film, she decided to split the damn tooth into 2 in order to facilitate the extraction. OUCH!!! Plan B was successful after about ten minutes.. Apparently my roots were acting as an ad hoc anchor for that molar. I saw the two halves of that tooth, both its roots were curved like mini hooks. The left side of my face swelled up and immediately I had a fever. Insanely unpleasant experience that was.

At that point of time, I wanted to bail out. Only I would have to walk around with 4 gaps in my teeth for the rest of my life and be a fine example of what NOT to do.

Not an option.

So I sucked it up and waited for the wounds to properly heal. 2 days later I felt this hard thing poking where my left molar used to be. It is a blurr what bone it was but I clearly remember having to go through another painful procedure to cut and remove it. The mere thought of it still makes me cringe.

The party has just begun.

The day came for me to put my braces on. Some sort of dental cement was applied on each tooth upon which the brackets were placed. If I remember correctly UV light or some sort was used to set the cement. Then she inserted some bands and metal things between my molars and threaded the wire through each bracket, using elastics to secure the wire position to each bracket. Did it hurt? Like hell it did. I was on baby food for a whole week.

Fast forward to the present. Panjang sangat lah this posting.

It has been let’s see.. 19 months, of being metalmouth. The boss’ 14 year old daughter who started wearing it a month later than me is well on her way to remove the contraption. Next month, it seems. Lucky girl.

Me? On my last visit, the orthodontist told me we have a problem. The gaps in my lower teeth aren’t making any headway.

Her explanation didn’t make sense that Saturday but having the painful monthly tightening sessions with her only to have my teeth move slower than a paralysed snail doesn’t make sense either. Whatever she was saying, the bottom line is we cannot meet the target date and my treatment time will have to be stretched to another year.

I thought she was kidding because we always enjoy a bit of a chat and jokes when I go for my visits.

She was not.

Bugger. My stubborn lower teeth.

Despite being a grumpy whiny beyatch post-visit that Saturday (sorry MBF, G and Choonism.. hehe..), I knew there is absolutely nothing I can do to coax my teeth into moving at a faster speed. I just needed to vent.

I will have to wait for the next appointment for her to lay down what would be the most viable options for me based on their progress (or regress) the past four weeks. I just hope it does not involve surgery.

In the meantime, I’ll just pretend I’m 14 and only started wearing them 2 months ago :p